Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
