exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
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My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
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YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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