apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She's the barista slut.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
