I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
