loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
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So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
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If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
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FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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