There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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