I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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