Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
