Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
one might say we're banned from that church
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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