Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
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I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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