I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
