He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
