I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Randomize
