It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
