I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
operation harelip BJ is a go
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
