i love accidental penises.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
