let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
