made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
my being single is dangerous.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
