I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
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A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize