I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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