Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
