I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
