Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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