if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
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If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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