Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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