Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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