I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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