Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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