I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
