why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
