in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
