are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
