Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
