hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
