Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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