you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
