white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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