and you said cock pushups were impossible
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
