I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
