I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
