Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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