Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
