even my farts smell like vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
