She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
