STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
