Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
