; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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