I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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