She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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