'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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