I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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