Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got inside last night via doggy door
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
