remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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