I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
