Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
