apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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