I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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