I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
