Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
