when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You were trust falling into bushes
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
