Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
