i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
