I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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