Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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