I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How external is "for external use only"?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
