Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
