Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
