You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
