uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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