Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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