Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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