Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
