Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she peed on how many people?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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