needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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