Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
