Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dear god my vagina.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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