If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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