if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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